We often say that stress is not just about what happens to you, but about how you choose to react to what happens to you.It is true in a sense, but it is an unconscious choice.Not only are you not aware that you are making a choice, you are not even aware that there are other options.My slogan is "stress makes you stupid ";When your brain is labeled "dangerous", you do what security experts often notice, and that is the first reaction when threatened: you freeze.Not just the body, but the brain freezes.With the freeze, there is something that needs to be done urgently, you take the well with youThis is a habit.It’s so easy.Habits are a series of behaviors built to make life easier;If you have to stop and think about what to do in every small choiceThe meaning of life-let's see, should I put on my pants first, left leg or right leg?Brush your teeth before going to bed or bring that cat in?-You can never have a day, let alone accomplish anything of value.Habits make life so simple that they start to enslave us-like the fly in the story told by Deepak Chopra, he continues to stay in the jar when the lid of the jar is removedSo when the "danger" signal is lost in the brain, we start in the well --Go through the carved path of the jungle, not head into the bush to find something better.Under pressure, we develop a habit of coping behavior as our path: one person may retreat quietly while the other person will roar and become defensive and stop for the third time to think curiously about the situation, want to know what will happen next and so on.We may have started this habitual behavior at a very young age;By adulthood, it has become ingrained in our hearts and we cannot see other options.This becomes our "jungle road" and makes it impossible for us to see other options.I went to a luncheon about a week ago and the speaker was a safety expert and she got a lot of information from her SEAL husband about how to react in dangerous situationsThe information she provided relates to situations of physical threats, but the wisdom I have gathered from her conversation applies equally to situations of social threats, which are the source of stress today.Here are some guidelines: Plan ahead: whether you know you're going to meet someone who's hard on you or you're about to get into a situation that's going to be evaluated, make a plan that doesn't involve your usual reaction (freeze, fight or escape.Step 1: Make sure you have a good rest and eat well before entering the stressful environment.Habit is the most powerful time to power (.e.Consciousness controls your brain) is low.It will be very low when you sleepBe deprived, or eat food that gives you instant energy and then eatdown.Step 2: plan something that will delay your automatic reply, such as asking questions to clarify exactly what happened.Your habitual reactions include not only your actions, but also your perception of the situation.What if you're wrong?Here are some examples of several issues that need to be remembered when encountering a Press button :-"How do I ...... Did not meet your expectations?” or “When …..?In what way(s)?-"To what extent ......?(Like the news class!-"Why did you say that to me?-What does it mean to be too quiet?My personal favorite is: "Do you believe what you said helped me in a way ?"?Using delayers: "You gave me a lot of thought.I 'd like to discuss this with you."Always take a deep breath before responding.It does slow down your automatic response and over time it helps train your conscious brain to overcome those habitual impulses.Practice: You may think of situations where you felt overwhelmed in the past.Re-Perform these scenes mentally and respond differently.Then do practical exercises on privacy.Imagine what is happening, and then imagine a stronger reaction that makes you feel more calm and responsible.Review and reward: Review the stressful encounters and be aware of whether or not you have done something different from the past or even something.Maybe you stopped and looked thoughtful, not defensive.Hooray!Tell yourself that you did a great job.Give yourself a treat.Can't you change someone else, or can you change?It's surprising that others are forced to change when you change your behavior.People who once fought may find themselves unwilling to do so, when you stand up, quietly and firmly for yourself, but do not attack them directly.Slow down your expectations: no wand will turn you overnight into a super skilled manager who once overwhelmed you with a stress experience.The danger is that when you are actually going well, you interpret your actions as failure.Give yourself a chance to live a new, powerful, and more peaceful life.Remember these words of Mark Twain: habit is habit, not to be thrown out of the window by anyone, but to coax one step downstairs at a time.
