In my last post, observe who you share your pain with, I describe several people who say the wrong thing and only make your pain worse.I call them Dementors. Harry Potter's fans are familiar with it. they suck all their hopes away from you.They may magnify your tiny symptoms to a definite death, or seem to provide indisputable evidence that your dreams will never succeed.When we are in crisis or loss, we will be swallowed up by these people and their words.Most of us won't be able to respond on the spot, but here are some tips to deal with these situations: Don't let others write about your future!Remind yourself that the future remains to be grasped.In this case, most of the hurtful words others say are about predicting the future.Why do we think they have the ability to do so?Probably because they have a secret fear of our own death and the death of loved ones, or a special pursuit of life-a fear that we do not want to reveal, because doing so will bring life to this fear in some way.Someone has done it for us now.Solution?Go back to my first sentence: The future is about to begin!!When you are able to slow down your anxious breathing, start looking for future parts that you can control by taking action now.If you have the courage to say something, here are some tips :-The question you can ask: why are you saying this to me now?Do you want to help?Do you want to comfort me?Do you believe in everyone, a lot of people, or just some of them?Do you think I am similar to that person?If so, how much?-A statement you can make: a predictor of the future: I will remain optimistic because I know it is better for my health in the long run.To the self-Designated expert to give you advice, medical or other advice: I want to explore every path before making a decision.For those sticky sympath who have penetrated into You: I am not a victim-I am just a person who has suffered setbacks.A good friend I was going to call Emily recently told me a wonderful story.Her husband has been diagnosed with cancer-a condition that can range from mild to severe and has a variety of results.At this point, they don't know which one it is.She told a friend that he was happy to say, "What you need to do now is move to the apartment so that you don't have that much trouble when he dies.She hung up the phone excitedly, got hurt, and got angry.To her credit, she pulled herself up and called her friend back and said, "I want you to know that what you said hurt me so much that I thought I would never talk to you again.They discussed the issue, but at this point Emily felt she would never take the friend as a confidant again.Strong friendships are often built or broken on the basis of sharing and accepting bad news.When people tell us the bad news they get, most of us are unprepared for what to say, so we screwed it up.Here's a tip: don't if you don't know what to say!In fact, grief experts suggest that you use this simple phrase to sum up the hardships of someone's experience of confiding to you and your desire to help but recognize that you can't help: "I don't know what to say.
