After my mom had a partial hip replacement at the end of July 2009, I realized the resistance I relied on when I was dealing with her.When mom goes through tough times of all sorts, her default position is to die."You know what I want.Her mantra is "I want to die ".In response, I encouraged her to live in words.I gave her something to look forward to, like going back to her day Rich Plan.I told her that when God is ready for her to help all the people around him, he will call her and now God wants her to help all the people who are alive.In fact, when mom is not so upset, she only thinks about helping others.How resistant am I to hearing the mantra that mom is serving her or myself?These exchanges only reinforce each of our positions mentally, emotionally and physically.I didn't see her where she was.We didn't connect very well as usual.Over the years, as an organizational change advisor, I have worked with groups that have a lot of resistance to leadership change or technological change.Recognize resistance, name it, take the time to be with it, explore its benefits and costs, and accept it, for passing it, moving towards acceptance of new technologies for new leadership teams and workplaces is critical.When working with individuals, resistance is often easier to identify than working with groups, a valuable place to gain traction.In helping business coaches and individual coaching clients master the art of thriving during tough times, resistance has emerged in coaching relationships.After a week with mom, I was fired.I was surprised when I realized that I was completely resistant.Here are the results of what I did.-Action: after she repeated her spell the night I admitted, I said, "Yes.That's what you think.From my point of view, I have been replying to you.I don't have your point of view or your life experience.From your point of view, I understand and accept as much as I can.-Result: I could feel her upper body relaxed, her voice was a little fuller and I felt her calmer.So was I.Tip: Be aware when you find yourself trying to convince someone or influence someone rather than having a conversation easily.This is a sign of resistance.
